Important Notice

Dear Passenger C. J. Stokes:

Due to "communication problems" currently being suffered by Bogota El Dorado International Airport your aeroplane to Buenos Aries, Argentina, which you'll no doubt recall was due for departure at the exciting hour of 6.55am has unfortunately been delayed. We also regret to inform you that the original delay of three hours has now been extended to five hours. We at Aerolineas Argentinas reserve the right (of course!) to extend this delay further, and request that in the ensuing waiting period you sit tight, smile, and ignore the headaches, oncoming diarrhoea, gut-squeltching and need to vomit that you have been experiencing for the past 14 hours, as caused (one assumes) by a combination of sunburn, inhaled peach-flavoured shisha smoke and the consumption of a bad patacon. Please feel free to make full use of our small box-like room with a paper sign reading Sala 10 sticky-taped to the window, in which there are not enough seats nor access to entertainment and which is currently filled to overflowing with frustrated Latin Americans. Please do not find a place to lie down on three empty seats in another section of the airport, because if you do we will be forced to wait until you have just fallen asleep then send a member of the airport police squad to wake you up, mutter something to you in Spanish, then proceed to write down on a sheet of paper your name, passport number, address, educational level, current occupation, birthdate and marital status. He will not give a full explanation of this process but will instead just smile and push on to the next possible-vagrant/terrorist who likes to lie down on seats. You may proceed, instead, to the fast food resturaunt named Presto, where we will be happy to serve you a complementary breakfast of dry eggs, dry arepas, coffee and a small thimble of orange juice which tastes similar to a mezcla of bodily fluids. Take the time to watch, on our wall-mounted televisions, back episodes of Colombia's hit television show "The X Factor... for kids!" where you can see adorable pre-teens croonin', krumpin' and caterwallin' while tiny niñas lay down the freshest booty-shakin' reggaeton dance styles.

We thankyou for your patience and look forward to having you on board Aerolineas Argentinas sometime in the next day or so.

Best,
The Smiley Crew at A.A.