Scotland the Weird, but Ultimately Hilarious

Oh, wow, good people, this job is just about ready to KICK MY ASS.
It's gonna be so good. Get this:

The whiskey we are advertising is 100 Pipers malt whiskey which is apparently just coming to Thailand and this is some big-ass marketing stunt to get people going what are they here for and then on the last day there will be the big press conference and explosive launch party, etc. No one is supposed to know the product is 100 Pipers, so shhh, if any Thai media folks come up to you, don't tell them nothin', alright?

So, we are in two groups of five people each. Each group will be taking turns at guarding this massive cask of malt, brought out straight from Scotland especially, apparently. We are outside a major hotel and shopping mall complex called President Towers, right near the swanky business area of Bangkok. We will be guarding this puppy *24 hours a day* for five days. Basically because we are in two groups we will be working, like, 7-9 hours on, then 7-9 hours off, etc, with a 10-15 minute break every hour (on rotation). Its complicated, but basically understand that one day I will be 'guarding' this thing from 8am-5pm, and then maybe from 2am until 9am, and then 6pm until 2am. Etc.

Every day at 6pm there will be an official 'changing of the guards' ceremony, where this four piece bagpipe band will play and we will all march on, looking stern and military, and change over. Throughout the day, when we are on shift, we are not supposed to talk to anyone, or move around, we should stand 'at ease' and try not to laugh when Thai girls try to make us laugh/eat icecream/look under our kilts, etc. So, yeah, basically we just stand there, like military guards really do, and look serious. We will be wearing black shoes, kilts, bobbins, little hats, the whole kit & kaboodle, yo.

They are giving us a hotel to stay in nearby (so we can rest between shifts) and food and drink for all five days of the job. They are paying us 16,000 baht for the whole thing, which is about 400 US dollars, which definitely goes a long way in Thailand. Plus, we can choose to go to two evenings of *exclusive* launch parties, to pose for photos, basically, and we get paid an extra 4000 baht. Which all in all, my good blog-reading friends, is totally goduke, in every possible way.

It's gonna be hot, tiring, frustrating and boring, of course, at times. But five days is definitely do-able. Oh I am so excited.

A number of the other guys seem to be 'professional' caucasian actors/models in Bangkok, but thankfully most of them are in the other group because a few of them really seem pretty much like idiots. My group seems sizably more personable, and I have already made semi-friends with one of them, an Israeli guy from Haifa.

We start in two days time.

The whole thing totally reminds me of high school, what with the pipe band and the marching. I do believe I am the only 'model' in the gang who can sing along to 'Scotland the Brave'. Not that I am allowed to - stern face!!

In other news last night I totally involuntarily almost got caught up in a weird sexual fivesome with a male Indian martial arts loving MBA student, a Thai girl who "hates Indian people", a ladyboy with short bleached blonde hair and another Thai girl who really just seemed to want to go to sleep. Fortunately, using my cunning powers of trickery, I got away, by offering to go and buy condoms at the petrol station, then running, running like the wind.

Oh, and I read Rabbit Redux by John Updike and its so awesome it makes me what to cry. Read the Rabbit books if you haven't already, and if you have - read them again.

Goodnight.